Dear Jan

There are many lessons that you learn in life from school to work. Nonetheless, you also learn a lot from hurt because that means at some point there was happiness, at least in my opinion.

I has been six months without you and now I am finally free. I look at our pictures not with sadness or anger, but with nostalgia of what we used to be, what I used to be.
I will never be able to thank you enough for everything you taught me during a semester or even tell you face to face. You made me feel possibly one of the most amazing women ever simply for being there. I was no longer just an engineering student with a good GPA, I was human being capable of loving, caring and succeed both academically and non academically. I lived some of my best days with you and I will forever remember you as my first boyfriend. In the limited time we knew we had you took me out of my comfort zone from the sandwich I chose in Subway to empowering me to be my best. You accepted my craziness, my strength, my emotional baggage and myself just the way I am everyday with a smile on your face. We had two months and half and that was all it took to turn my world upside down.
I had never thought about how it would end, but I would never imagine that it would actually end the way it did. It hurt a lot, and I mean a lot. I went home for Christmas and came back to college and you were no longer there, but everything else was. The bed we slept in, the library we spent time everyday, the sticker I once left you and the people who knew both of us. I thought I was alright with it, but I wasn't. I was going through my first phase of denial and I just tried to speed it up because we knew it was going to happen in the first place. There was a limbo time where I was just there and not really feeling anything, just sadness and stress from school work. The worst part was that you were not there to deal with me. You were my confidant before bed. my partner to teach me moment and missing in my second semester.
Things did not come any easier when spring break came around. Here I thought everything went wrong because there were over 5000 km separating us and then you made it back to meet with your new girlfriend who happens to study at my Uni. I was sad when I received the news from our common friends, but then it was just anger. It was pure rage during that day and I guarantee you I called you every name I could in both languages I am able to speak. After rationalizing it and coming to my senses I was devastated all over again. It took a long time to heal even though I had no right to be hurt in the first place. I told myself I was happy for you and glad you found someone better than me.
Now looking at the situation I laugh at it. She is a better fit, not better or worse, different. You didn't hurt me at that point, you hurt my ego. The time I blocked you on snapchat I thought it would just be easier to not see how you moved on so quickly. I knew you would be the first out of the two, I just did not expect that way. Today, I look at what I had with great happiness and pride. Yes, there were moments I was petty, angry, sad, bitter to everyone around me, but I am ready to move on.
I learnt how to appreciate myself because if there was ever an amazing human being such as yourself who thought of me beyond a friend, I think I did something right. I learnt that I was able to have someone and still be myself as a woman, a student and a friend. I learnt that time is everything from the moment you spend together to the time you take to heal. Looking at it, there was a period that I thought I was just a mistake because if you had met her sooner maybe things could have gone a different way. Maybe if that had happened there would be no negative balance when looking at four months of grieve with two months of happiness, maybe I shouldn't have quit on a "I don't know", there were a lot of maybes.
Looking into the future, the maybes did not happen and we are both happy. I am ready to move on and go for it again. I know I move from place to place and my next relationship might end just for the same reason, but only time will tell when is my time to settle for a change. In the end, I will always agree with you on one thing "Everything is gonna be fine" because we are fine and I look forward to see what my future will bring me as I hope yours will bring you.